Have you moved house lately? No? Well, I’d quite forgotten how stressful selling a property can be until I found a buyer back in January (yes January) this year!
I’ve been living amongst boxes since late February, my solicitors having done everything they needed to do and yet at this point in time I’m still waiting to exchange contracts! As you probably know, nothing can be finalised until that stage, so I’m here in a state of limbo, having viewed some lovely properties which have all now been snapped up by other eager people, as the bottom of the chain can’t get it’s act together. One property in particular ticked all my boxes. It was perfect enough for me to put a holding offer on it, but even that has been gazumped! So it has got to the point where I could quite easily scream! throw in the towel, give up, take my property off the market and continue with my life!
However, I know that that isn’t the outcome I want to achieve. It’s not going to serve my purpose (or I imagine the purpose of those further down the chain) if I were to pull out now. I have no control over the bottom of the chain – my estate agent is doing his very best to get them moving – but apart from that, there is absolutely nothing I can do. It’s outside of my control.
So rather than stressing about the situation and getting angry and frustrated about things outside of my control, I checked in with myself to see if there were any previous experiences I had had that I could draw on for support. And then I remembered a time, back in the ’80’s, when my husband and I bought our first family home in Taunton, Somerset. After looking at loads of properties, we found one that ticked all of our boxes. It had everything we possibly wanted – a beautiful enclosed back garden – ideal for the children. Large bedrooms, a separate dining room and living room, ooh it had everything!
We were really excited and put in our offer, which was duly accepted. Solicitors were instructed. All seemed to be going well until one evening the seller happened to come up to me in Sainsbury’s (I was working there 3 evenings a week at the time) and told me quite matter of factly that someone had offered a higher amount than us and they were taking it. Imagine how I felt. This was my dream property and it was being taken away from me. How I finished that shift and drove home I don’t know. When I got home I broke the news to my husband. We were both really upset. Of course there was nothing we could do, except start searching again. And then, oh wow! – we found an even better property than the previous one! This one was magnificent – it ticked all our boxes – and more! Needless to say, it became our lovely family home.
So I know that based on my previous experience if I just keep moving forward towards the outcome I want to achieve, even if I stumble here and there, I will get where I need to be in the end. I have some lovely, supportive friends who are with me along the way. Friends that don’t sabotage my efforts, friends who encourage me, which in turn helps me to keep energised.
As a Life Coach and NLP practitioner, I also use coaching tools and NLP techniques that I’ve learned over the years on myself. By doing this I manage my feelings and stay positive and be ready to take the next step.
So if you are reading this and you are in a position where you are feeling stressed and frustrated over something that is not within your control – you may be in the same situation as me, or perhaps you are going through a divorce or perhaps you’ve just heard your job is being made redundant, think about what choices you can make to move forward. Here are some examples:
- Focus on your outcome and what you want to achieve.
- Think about what past experiences can you draw on to help you?
- Who can you count on to support you?
- What can you do to make sure you keep stress at bay?
I’d also like to share a breathing technique that I find really helpful when I’m feeling up tight and anxious:
- Sit in a chair with your feet comfortably resting on the floor and your hands resting loosely in your lap.
- Make sure your back is supported.
- You can also do this lying down on a bed or a couch.
- Now close your eyes and take a deep breath in through your nose – expanding your abdomen, middle and upper torso.
- Hold the breath as you mentally count to three.
- Let the breath out slowly through your mouth as you mentally count to five.
- Concentrate on your breathing and repeat the process up to 10 times when you will feel more relaxed and less anxious.
And if you’re finding you can’t sleep because of all that’s going on, I can recommend the app “Relax and Sleep Well” by Glenn Harrold. It’s free and I know it works because I use it myself. Click here for the iTunes app for your iPhone. There is also an Android version.